Life outside the bubble: ¿sos feminista?

A few days ago, there was a solid ten-minute segment on some talk show on how women don’t understand football. I got so annoyed by the repetition of clips of various overbleached, prominently cleavaged women looking confused as the host shot rapidfire technical sports questions at them that I gave the television the bird. I hadn’t meant him to, but my host father saw this. Fortunately, he thought it was hilarious – and once he stopped cracking up, he asked,

“¿Sos feminista?” (Are you a feminist?)
Ever been asked that question? Ever seen anyone be asked that question? I’ve heard it a couple of times recently. It sounds straightforward, but when I was asked it, I was taken aback and I’ve been trying to figure out why.
I can remember having heard it in the US too (outside of Wes, of course). Sometimes it’s perfectly innocent; sometimes it’s full-on mocking, and sometimes there’s an insidious ‘of course you have a right to your opinion, little one’ contempt lurking underneath. Sometimes it’s asked by people I have respect for (I like my host father); sometimes, no. But what caught my attention was the way that the person it’s directed at often goes, “Er… yes?” or even “No, I just think…” and shrinks away a little bit. (Including myself, this time: “…er, I think so, yes.”)

Now that I’m thinking about this –
“Um, I’m not really a feminist, I just think that generalizing women as stupid isn’t right.”

I’m sorry, what?

What am I missing here? So there’s resentment for sexual harassment laws, and for the fact that employers sometimes have to hire people who challenge their world views just a little bit, and who might go on maternity leave sometime in the future. So there are angry bra-burning penis-hating lesbians in existence. Are any of those things particularly pertinent?

To me (fill me in if I’ve missed something), feminism is the belief that women should have equal rights. If I’m glad every day that I’m not a man, or if I think that women don’t like soccer or bother to understand it because we require something slightly less trivial to catch our attention, that’s my own opinion and I won’t bother you with it. What I really, really, really don’t understand is why anyone should think they could mock someone else for believing in equality. I don’t even understand why you would want to tease someone ironically, as you’d do at Wes, for those beliefs. Equality: women are people too. Women are as much real people as men are. That sounds stupidly obvious to me. Why, then, does it stick out as something that someone could hold in contempt, or as something that makes someone uncomfortable enough that they have to tease a person who voices it out loud?

Maybe feminism sticks out to men in this machista culture (Argentina) because it’s new, because for them it’s normal to think of domestic abuse as the woman’s personal problem or of rape as female-provoked – because they can’t imagine having those kinds of problems, obviously the problems are merely womens’ and women should deal with them by themselves. Maybe they only ‘put up’ with feminism because it’s made itself a political nuisance, but they’re not going to listen to what the feminists are saying.
I don’t think the message is so hard to understand that if they were listening, they’d disagree. All it is is this: women are human beings, and they deserve everything men do.

The part that maybe I take for granted, the part that’s maybe why I don’t understand, is that I believe that this idea should resonate with everyone. That if you think about it, this is absolutely logical – that people who don’t think this aren’t thinking; that women who don’t think this are practicing self-hatred just a little bit. (Really, though, what evidence does any woman have to make her decide that her place in life is subservient to a whole bunch of people she’s never met, just because of their gender?)

Apparently, some people are stupid. I would appreciate it if everyone understood how dumb a question “Are you a feminist?” is. I would appreciate it if I hadn’t briefly felt hesitation in answering it. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to and I did hesitate.
I would like to change this. I can’t force people to understand; I can’t stop them from being stupid. But I can change my own reaction.

I would like to say, “Yes, I am a feminist. I don’t hate men. I hate rape. I hate the idea of one human being assaulting another and getting away with it. I hate the idea that someone could assume I’m stupid or incompetent or defenseless or temperamental because I have breasts; that I only value material things because I like shiny shoes and think every woman should have the perfect bra (it’s empowering, damnit); or that someone else should be more valuable than I for no reason other than gender.
Are these things a problem?”

I probably won’t. (Especially not in Spanish, because that’s a lot of subjunctive tense).
If I can restrain myself, I might not even say, “So, you don’t think women are people too?” in contemptuous tones.

What I will say is what I really want everyone else to say too. I know some of the girls I’ve seen who go “uh, no, but –” in response, taken aback (hopefully by the stupidity of the question), believe in those very simple equal rights like I do. The only answer I want to hear to that question is the truth, without hesitation, confusion, or shame (because the people asking that question are the ones who should be ashamed):
YES.

(And while you’re at it, my far-too-skinny female friend, the answer to “do you want this delicious free cookie?” is always YES too).